Weltchys Notebook

Part Time Writer of Science Fiction and Fantasy. Hopefully a blog for Stories, both Long and Short

Tantalus

17 Comments

Below is my 100 word (ish) submission to the Friday Fictioneers. Photo prompt this week is courtesy of Renee Heath
As always, comments are appreciated. I try to read everyone’s submission, but with submissions reaching triple digits each week, it’s sometimes difficult to get round to each one. Therefore, I tend to read those who I follow, or who like / comment my story. And finally, I also try for a random selection from the list.

The Friday Fictioneers are a friendly group of online writers from all over the globe who endeavour to create short but fantastical tales with which to enthral and inspire both reader and writer alike. The genres and styles of writing are varied, so there is something for everyone to be found within its midst.

Copyright - Renee Heath

Tantalus

My name is Tantalus, and circumstance, I have discovered, is cruel and ironic.

Should we meet, you will find me repugnant. Wrought from flame, I cannot hide who I am; disfigurement is my curse, with no one to blame but myself. Still, pleasures can be had, and watching her is foremost of these.

Her smile is whimsical, to the point of distraction. I cannot help but notice, drawn as I am to her vibrancy; so full of life.

Hypnotic are her movements; I lose myself following from afar. Youthful, she carries an air of innocence, yet wisdom and strength walk beside her.

More than anything though, I long for her voice. Just a word – a child’s utterance – denied since that fateful day.

“Father”

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Author: Weltchysnotebook

Part Time writer of Science Fiction and Fantasy, both long and short!

17 thoughts on “Tantalus

  1. Makes me wonder how Tantalus got some girl pregnant in the first place if he’s so repugnant. Dark night, maybe …?
    Has a sinewy feel to it, fairly hypnotic. Good ending, too. Fine work.

    • Interesting point. I tried to write the story to hint that the MC had not always been disfigured. Wrought in flames and fateful night being the key words. And of course, repugnant is how he sees himself. My original draft I think was more clear, but I obvious cut out a little too much. Thanks for reading none the less.

    • Added a couple of words back in to correct the issue. Hopefully sorts out the back story.

  2. Nice idea, and the voice came across very convincingly.

  3. Yes, Tantalus might not always have been disfigured. Well done indeed.

  4. Interesting story. I feel for Tantulus. This came across (to me) as a literary style rather than mainstream fiction–a pleasant read.

  5. It would be heart-breaking to be in this situation, whatever the reason. Good job!

    janet

  6. I am tantalized by your tale of Tantalus!

  7. Well-written story of a tragic character who feels love for another but is unable to love himself. Good story. 🙂

  8. Dear Weltchy,

    I did catch it that Tantalus wasn’t always disfigured by “since that day.” Heartrending. Well done.

    shalom,

    Rochelle

  9. You wrote this well, no doubt that Tantalus had once been whole. Very nice take on the story.

  10. Got it. Melancholy and memorable. Good use of your 100-ish words.

  11. Pingback: Defenseless | V-Hypnagogic-Logic

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