Below is my 100 word (ish) submission to the Friday Fictioneers. Photo prompt this week is courtesy of Erin Leary.
As always, comments are appreciated. I try to read everyone’s submission, but with submissions reaching triple digits each week, it’s sometimes difficult to get round to each one. Therefore, I tend to read those who I follow, or who like / comment my story. And finally, I also try for a random selection from the list.
The Friday Fictioneers are a friendly group of online writers from all over the globe who endeavour to create short but fantastical tales with which to enthral and inspire both reader and writer alike. The genres and styles of writing are varied, so there is something for everyone to be found within its midst.
Black as Night
“I’ve got a bad feeling tonight.”
Mark smiled uneasily. As always, his brother Harry was right on the money. An evil chill permeated the air, made worse by fog that reminded him of their mother’s pea soup. Still, it was too late to back out. Lord Hembridge wasn’t the forgiving sort and the fence needed mending.
“You hear something?”
Harry’s outburst set his pulse racing. Peering through the darkness, Mark hoped for nothing. The Moors could play tricks on the mind.
“What the…”
Heart in mouth, Mark watched as the fog parted, revealing the source of Harry’s terror. Black as night with eye’s like fire, Mark realised that death stalked on four legs, and they had been chosen that night.
May 22, 2014 at 6:02 am
Great tense story, ‘death stalked on four legs’ – a very sinister line.
May 22, 2014 at 6:55 am
Thanks for reading. There was an article in the papers a few days back about a dog called Black Shuck. I’m guessing that plus the photo prompt led me to the story
May 22, 2014 at 7:45 am
Chilling.
May 22, 2014 at 7:59 am
Thank you!
May 22, 2014 at 12:39 pm
Sinister indeed! I also loved the pea soup analogy!
Greetings from Greece!
Maria (MM Jaye)
May 22, 2014 at 1:31 pm
Its a reference to black or Killer fog. The saying originated from a reference to London I think. Anyway, Thanks for reading
May 22, 2014 at 12:41 pm
The nightmare begins. Good job!
May 22, 2014 at 1:31 pm
Cheers!!
May 22, 2014 at 2:26 pm
Sinister. Well done.
May 22, 2014 at 2:27 pm
Thank you Sandra
May 22, 2014 at 4:05 pm
Great piece of gothic horror. Some beast that.
May 22, 2014 at 5:05 pm
Thanks Patrick. Thought I’d go with the obvious choice this week
May 22, 2014 at 7:07 pm
I loved your similes! Good atmosphere, chilling and portentous! Nice story.
May 22, 2014 at 7:13 pm
Thanks for reading. As soon as I saw the fog, I couldn’t help think of a Pea Souper.
May 22, 2014 at 8:44 pm
Great horror story! Brings to mind one of my favorite movies, An American Werewolf in London–it has horror, gore, sex, love, bad jokes and good (partial) nudity 🙂 The first character who is killed says “I have a bad feeling about this” when they get lost on the moors….
May 22, 2014 at 9:09 pm
Ahhh. Not seen that film in a while. I love how his friend slowly decomposes as the film progresses. Now you mention it, my story does have similarities to the film.
May 23, 2014 at 4:00 pm
Had to laugh at the phrase,”made worse by fog that reminded him of their mother’s pea soup.”Great tension and also loved the sentence,”Peering through the darkness, Mark hoped for nothing.”Chillingly scary ending,loved it 🙂
May 23, 2014 at 7:27 pm
Thank you for the comments. Looks like the Pea soup is going down well
May 23, 2014 at 7:31 pm
Ha!ha!
May 23, 2014 at 4:11 pm
Reminded me of “The Hound of the Baskervilles” and being a reader of English fiction, the pea soup comparison worked perfectly. You build up the tension well.
janet
May 23, 2014 at 7:26 pm
Thank you Janet. Think that one of the favourite lines I’ve written, glad you enjoyed it as well
May 23, 2014 at 4:18 pm
love the tension and the eerie feel!
May 23, 2014 at 7:24 pm
Thanks For reading K.Z
May 23, 2014 at 7:04 pm
Somehow I get the sense of a large hound somewhere.. I thought it was lord Baskerville 🙂
May 23, 2014 at 7:24 pm
🙂 very much inspired by.
May 23, 2014 at 9:07 pm
This left me feeling the way one does here in the Pacific Northwest on a wet and foggy day in the forest. Dampish clothes, dripping hair and like just about anything could jump out of the mist.
May 24, 2014 at 8:12 pm
Pacific Northwest seems to hold a lot in common with England. I think Glad the story left you in such a state. On the plus side, think about the warm bath at home which follows (hopefully)
Pingback: Defenseless | V-Hypnagogic-Logic
May 24, 2014 at 9:58 am
Great mystery with a bad ending for the two fence menders. Who is going to fix it? Well done – good story! Nan 😉
May 24, 2014 at 11:25 am
Maybe the fence will always need mending 😉 thanks for reading Nan
May 24, 2014 at 4:12 pm
Loved it! Made me smile.
May 24, 2014 at 5:07 pm
Thanks for reading
May 24, 2014 at 5:58 pm
Very intense and scary. You just know that when the fog parted, it wasn’t going to be good thing. Well told. Lucy
May 24, 2014 at 6:03 pm
Thank you for reading
May 25, 2014 at 10:40 am
Dear Weltchy.
The only thing missing is theremin music. Good build of tension. You’ve left something to the imagination there with “death stalks on four legs.” Well played.
shalom,
Rochelle
May 26, 2014 at 7:13 pm
Theremin? Had to google that one. I think a background crackle and static as the story is read out would fit perfectly. Thanks for reading Rochelle.
May 25, 2014 at 11:34 am
Weltchy, If that Lord ever wants the fence mended he better find someone to get rid of the dog, or spirit, or whatever it is. That seems to be a suicide mission. Good writing with a touch of dark humor. 🙂 —Susan
May 25, 2014 at 1:09 pm
Thanks for reading Susan. I don’t think he wants the fence mended 😉