Weltchys Notebook

Part Time Writer of Science Fiction and Fantasy. Hopefully a blog for Stories, both Long and Short

The Camp

31 Comments

Hi Folks, I’m a little late to the party, but no matter; still time for another hundred word(ish) submission to the Friday Fictioneers.

Photo prompt this week is courtesy of Rachel Bjerke.

Originally, I had a more sci-fi tilt to this story, but I changed to more conventional fiction and dropped words like molecular rifle and stealth field to make it easier to understand with less word count. Anyway, comments are appreciated. 

I will try to read everyone’s submission, but with submissions reaching triple digits each week, it’s difficult to get round to everyone. Therefore, I try to read those who I follow, or who like / comment my story. I also hit a random selection from the list. You know know what gems you will find.

Finally, a short word on the weekly challenge. The Friday Fictioneers are a friendly group of online writers from all over the globe who endeavour to create short but fantastical tales with which to enthral and inspire both reader and writer alike. The genres and styles of writing are varied, so there’s something for everyone to be found within its midst.

© Copyright - Rachel Bjerke

PHOTO PROMPT – © Copyright – Rachel Bjerke

The Camp

‘You’re late’

John stopped walking and crouched, his movements deliberate. Unclipping his backpack with one hand, the other held his rifle steady, allowing him to check his surroundings before placing his burgen to one side and lying on the ground.

‘Trouble, nothing serious.’

John’s answer found a shadowy form as Rohan, his fellow operative, crawled into view. Camouflaged, Rohan had chosen well, his foxhole granting views of the camp below whilst its position was perfectly hidden.

‘Don’t get comfortable John, target is in situ.’

Drawing a bead, John searched the camp. He needn’t look hard, for the target walked into view, a local warlord surrounded by his sycophantic entourage. Squeezing the trigger, John smiled, knowing he had rid the world of yet another tyrant.

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Author: Weltchysnotebook

Part Time writer of Science Fiction and Fantasy, both long and short!

31 thoughts on “The Camp

  1. Dear Weltchy,

    Alas, another tyrant will probably rise in his place. Good build of tension. Well done.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

  2. The build-up of tension was masterful, frankly. Well done.

  3. before placing his burgen (did you mean burden?)

    This has a great deal of tension and a bit of coldness to it that works very well. Glad you made it to the party.

  4. It’s a dark world we live in. Well done.

  5. It’s difficult to condone even well-deserved killings for me, but you describe it very well.

  6. Gotta love anyone that rids the world of warlord tyrants. Excellent story!

  7. This is very good. I can see how it would work equally well as a sci-fi piece. You’ve edited it down for lower word count quite effectively. I find that editing these little stories to achieve the 100-word limit can take even longer than writing them 😊

    • My first cut, with the Sci Fi leaning was 153 words, which was far too long. A quick cut down followed, but it still went over 100 words. But I didn’t want to lose the core or feel of the story, so I left it at the 120 mark. Anyway, thank you for reading!

  8. “sycophantic entourage”…I learned a new phrase. Thank you!
    I probably won’t remember it but that’s on me. lol

  9. Good job Weltchy – really tense! Nan

  10. Nice story, I liked the term “sycophantic entourage” – this immediately describes the general ethos and type of warlord.
    I hope another doesn’t rise in his place, but I guess you have to start somewhere. Presumably there’ll be a period of instability in any case.

    • Cheers Draliman. Really appreciate you taking the time to read and comment. I had that phrase as entourage of sycophants and bodyguards originally, but two words seemed to work just as well

  11. but the tyrants have a habit of cropping up from nowhere

  12. Ridding the world of tyrants is a tough job, but it seems John is off to a good start. Glad you made it this week.

  13. The atmosphere and tension here are both palpable and very well done, Weltchy. I could feel the foxhole, and the seriousness of their task.

    I’m thinking burgen was meant to be burden?

  14. I enjoyed your story. Great imagery!

  15. You totally succeeded with the tension, Weltchy. Great description and well done. 🙂 — Suzanne

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